The Uphill Climb

I’m tramping……. Setting out with my pack on my back, and jump in my step. I feel ready to take on all that is ahead. I have been in training for months and know the course and the ups and down that are to come. I feel confident that I can make it and start off to a great start. I have help with my pack and it feels as light as a feather.  I round the corner and see a steep hill. I figure this must be the hard part that I was expecting.

I dig it in, head down, focused and one step in front of the other….. the goal is insight. I enjoy the challenge find it hard but still have a smile on my face …….. I make it.

I relax at the top (or so I think) feeling proud of my achievement and marvelling at the awesomeness of God creation as I overlook this new scene. The view from the top…. A place I have never been to, but always wondered what it was like.

I round the next corner only to find that what I thought was the hard part was not even the start of what is to come.

I look ahead, keep walking a few steeps…. feeling numb and empty.  I crumble to the ground……. a ground that now feels such a long way down from the high that I was once at.

My pack become heavy and I feel that I can no longer find anyone to carry it. I am afraid of what is to come….. Afraid I will not be able to manage it…. afraid that my BODY can’t manage it.

I feel lost…. However I have a map in my pocket (which I’m refusing to look at, feeling as though it has already let me down).… there I will find the guidance, strength and support I need to get there…… if I could only open it!

But I pick myself up……take a deep breath, wipe back the streams of tears that continue to flow and walk in the direction to which I have no idea what I am about to face ….

And at this stage all I can do is put one foot in front of the other…… and right now that will just do.

A Dimond Weekend

This weekend we celebrated love....... 60 years of it. We were amazing blessed to be taken away for 2 beautiful, luxurious nights to Martinborough Hotel where we had a “wedding”....... A Diamond Wedding anniversary celebration of my grandparents.

They continued to show us the love they have held for the last 60 years and it’s amazing to think if it was not for the love of these 2 people I would not be here today!

We filled our tummies each morning of lavish homemade muesli, croissants, fresh fruit, bacon & eggs, fresh orange juice and pots of tea, and together the 18 of us all boarded the yellow bus for a fun, adventure filled family outing..... each dawning our diamonds!

We visited the quaint fishing village and coast of Cape Palliser where we climbed the 256 stairs to the light house and finished with an enjoyable picnic lunch with the seals.

But the most memorable time was spent in our 45min (or so) of Thanksgiving. Together as a family we paused to remember the blessing we have, not only in Gran and Ga, but that we have in our God that created us. We reflected on his goodness in all of our lives and the legacy of goodness that has been laid out before us and to come.

Psalm 112: Blessed is the man who fears the LORD,

who finds great delight in his commands.

2 His children will be mighty in the land;

the generation of the upright will be blessed.

We left challenged of the legacy that we will leave........, challenged to be a generation that will continue to bless the generations to come......... and challenged to live a life of LOVE.

Rainy Days

This month has been a rainy day and I feel like I’m waiting for the sun to come out.

I feel like I have cried till no more tears can come. I feel like I have made peace. I feel like I have put things in God hands. I feel like I’ve now got my smile back. I feel like I’m in control and yet I have given my timing over to him....knowing that his is better.

But then a song comes on..... A song that has no particular meaning to me, yet it manages to make me feel like I’m back at the start again. Needing to cry a few more tears that I thought had all dried out. Needing to lay it once again at his feet when I thought I already had. That I have lost all control when I felt I had it all back, and that I’m actually weak when I thought I had become strong. That the rain has come again when I was waiting for the sun.

Then the song changers and I remember that I am allowed to be weak........... That I don’t have to be in control, and that I may need to continue to lay it every day at his feet.

“He is jealous for me... loves like a hurricane and I am a tree bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy”.........

And then I remember after the rain comes the sun, and with that comes a rainbow and........ “He loves us.... oh how he LOVES us”.

(Song: How He Loves, by Kim Walker)

The First of August

My August started cold, enjoying the beauty of white hills and warm fires.

A special few days away with Hannah and Josh made me appreciate the peacefulness of being away from the busyness of home life and house work. Enjoying walks for coffee and wondering around the shops to skiing down mountains and running the pavements, it was all different to the norm and all a well needed rest and change.

Great family time with the kids and fantastic memories made.

A Head Filled with Words

In an effort to work out all that is in my head at the moment and also learn from the I feel, I have decided to blog!

I'm a terrible speller and tend to think faster then i write..... but figure this is the new modern-day diary.

So follow me and help me work out all that i have done, am doing and am going to do in an effort to figure out more of who I am.